I'm an Addict and I Admit It!

I have this terrible addiction and I don't know what to do about it. I didn't have it while I was working, but after I entered involuntary retirement it really took off. I can sleep without it affecting me too much, but I have lost sleep over it. It grabs hold of me when I wake up and doesn't let go until I go to sleep. I've tried weaning myself off, and have even quit cold turkey, but nothing worked. I've considered getting rid of the source, but can't bear the thought of doing it and being without.

I don't know if my ADHD has a part in it, but I am suspicious. As soon as I get up I have to have my first fix, and it just keeps it hitting me all day. Yes, if I don't turn on the TV first thing in the morning and get my first fix of news I'm lost. The reason I think my ADHD has a role in it is my need for change. I became disabled shortly after my retirement and the loss of mobility and the ability to effect change in my house and outside really drags me down. I get some of the little things done, but my lack of ability to make big changes is frustrating.

So for the most part, I can only effect change when I watch TV. That's why news shows help me stay focused - their always changing. I can do some things like checking my email and banking, but sorting is an exercise in frustration. I want to put everything in the right place and order, but where is that? I even bought a NEAT scanner to help me get rid of piles of paperwork, but now it's buried under more papers!

I've considered getting the help of a professional organizer, but I don't think there is anyone in my area that does that kind of thing. My mental health professional at the VA is no help. She's mainly focused on my losing weight. I am losing weight so that's helping, but not with my clutter. I've even thought about getting help from an ADHD counselor, but I don't have the money for that. The local ADHD support group is focused on children, so I can't get any help there as an adult with ADHD.

Oh wretched man that I am! who will deliver me from the body of this death?

A pretty good day

I had a pretty good day today. Got up early and worked on my email. Left around 7:45 and went to Hy-Vee for breakfast. Sausage gravy and biscuits! Yum! Only have this a couple of times a year so it was a special treat. Did some shopping at Hy-Vee and only bought a couple of things. Left there and went to the DOT station in the mall and got a couple of new handicap placards. My old one had gotten brittle from the sunshine in the truck and broke into a lot of pieces when I went to remove it.

After I returned home I did a lot of misc stuff while I was in the recliner. My knees were hurting so bad from climbing in and out of the truck that I had to get my legs up and allow them to recover. Their still recovering as I write this. They should be recovered enough I can go and work in the garage in the morning.

Spent the afternoon working on the cromebook and researching prices on eBay. I've got some things to list over the next few days and had to get an idea of what to price them at. Didn't eat lunch or supper, too tired to eat.

Spent a bunch of time processing paperwork on my TableMate. Ended up with one item to mail tomorrow and a big bunch of trash. There is some left, but it all requires phone calls so I'll do that in the next few days. I was slowed down a little because I'm watching the Olympics at the same time. I'll watch them for a while longer and then go to bed.

Even though I overdid things physically, I was still able to get a lot done mentally on the chromebook and physically and mentally while processing the paperwork. Didn't have any problems with staying focused and avoiding the "squirrel" reflex.

Another Wasted Day, Maybe?

This day started off on a bad track. I had problems sleeping last night and about 4:30am I got up from bed and tried to sleep in my recliner. Dozed off some. Had  lot of problems trying to walk from the bed to my recliner. This was going to be another day filled with leg pain.

I got from the recliner around 5:30 am, just couldn't sleep. Made some coffee and worked on the computer 'till 7 am. Checked my email and social media. Did my morning devotions and watched some TV. Checked eBay for any new listings of items I follow. Nothing special there.

Had breakfast when the wife got up and then got dressed. No banking to do on a Saturday, so I washed the dishes. Had to use a stool because my legs were hurting so much I couldn't stand very long. I was planning to work in the garage this morning after dishes, but didn't have the strength to get to the garage. instead I worked on a pile of papers on my TableMate. Got a lot done, but there's more processing needed. Watched the Olympics for a while.

After lunch I did some sorting on my postcards. Didn't get any put into books or listed on eBay, but the sorting is done. I was glad I was able to get that much done. Some days it's just push the pile from one place to another! After that I watched a recorded Ghost Hunter's show. Surprised to learn that it's their final season. I like the show but have to admit not a lot happens on it,

Suppers over, not that I had much. Didn't feel like eating much so I had a glass of milk and a Boost. Went down well so that was good. Watching TV now, news & Wheel of Fortune are over so I'm watching Lawrence Welk. It's a show on Disney songs, very good. I'll watch As Time Goes By and then some of the Olympics. Then it's bed time.

Looking back on the day I guess it wasn't totally wasted. Did get some computer work done, did the dishes and a bunch of sorting. For a guy with ADHD, that's a not so bad day. Some days I'm paralyzed by all I have to do and don't get anything done. I can plan what to do, but the follow-through just isn't there sometimes. Oh well, have a good night all. I'll try.